Friday, April 23, 2010

On My Own Again

Why is it on the days that you need it most, it rains?

It is 11am here.  I am sitting on the couch staring out my window watching the rain fall.   Alone for the first time in awhile.  It is cool this morning.   The air feels good.    I am listening to music and cars outside and thinking about whether I want to head out or just sit here and mope all day.   Working on my blog, pictures, finishing unpacking, organizing and generally just having a really down day.  I need to get out.

I have been up since 3 this morning.   Dad left for the airport at 4:30 and all indications are that his travel is running smoothly and he should be back home roughly 24 hours from now.    We had a wonderful visit.    Wish it were longer but our several days together were really good days and that is what matters.   Yesterday was particularly nice.     Dad will laugh if I say I might be taking some creative liberties with the itinerary, but this gives you a rough idea.


Coffee (twice)

San Giovanni in Laterno (one of my favorite churches in Rome)

Walk down Meraluna (lovely tree lined street)
Mary Maggiore (flashbacks from my last trip here)
Sistina and the Intercontinental, Spanish Steps (memories from March)
Edward Hopper exhibit (fantastic)

Keats Shelley Museum (Open and very moving)

Rambling walk through center and past our engagement restaurant
Wine on the square at via della pace / playing guess the nationality

Fantastic dinner with Italian friends
Packing, laundry and email
Sleep for 3 hours and wake up to message from John about Pierre           

Some quotes to share with you from our travels yesterday that touched me:

- I am not trying to make history, I am trying to build a future.   Ollie
- If you could say it in words, there would be no reason to paint.   Hopper

I couldn't get myself to leave this morning so I forced myself to re-learn how to use the moka to make myself some coffee.   I’ve had one for years (gift from mom), but haven’t used it in awhile.   I think I need a little more practice, probably the strongest and quite possibly the thickest coffee I’ve ever made.   Did the trick though. 

Please say a little prayer for Pierre.  I feel helpless that I am here and my baby is sick and I don’t know what to do.    My fear is that this is my fault and he is sick with a broken heart because his mommy left him alone in a strange place.  

I am particularly struck by the fact that over and over again life is never what exactly what you expect or plan for.  One day things are perfectly fine and then something happens out of the blue.   I feel totally and completely helpless right now.   I will not be able to live with myself if he doesn’t get better and I am not there.   

Feeling really lonely today.    When dad was here we talked about some days being down days when you are traveling.   I guess this is one of them.     I should probably not be writing publicly on these days either but it is what it is.   Life is not always rosy.

I think tonight I will cook.   Will find a nice bottle of wine, listen to music and make something that makes me happy.     Of course, I’ll share the results.   

Looks like it might be clearing.   Going to get dressed and head out for a walk.   I’ll be in a better place when I return.   Will continue to waste time on my laptop first for awhile to allow John to wake up so we can touch base.   It is 5am in NC.

PS - I am not going to post any more coffee pictures for awhile.    Enjoy them while they lasted.     These double posting days will also be rare going forward.

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